


something like a movie

by lavender (yestoday)



Series: this isn't how the story ends. [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Growing Up Together, M/M, fluffy ones, lots of feelings, the meaning of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:02:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yestoday/pseuds/lavender
Summary: Jisung has never had a first love. Chenle tells him it’s an amazing feeling, but somehow that doesn’t make Jisung feel any better.





	something like a movie

**Author's Note:**

> my playlist for this includes some by junggigo & soyou, movie by btob, easy love by lauv and my first and last by nct dream which gave me all kinds of mushy feels

In the grand scale of things, Jisung supposes Love might be rather high on the hierarchy of rather important emotions. Love spills over to other rather important emotions, like happiness and contentment and even misery, so maybe Love is like the queen bee of all emotions.

But Jisung has never been in Love.

“That’s ridiculous,” Chenle sniffs. He has this habit of lacing his words with contempt, superior because he’s several months older than Jisung. It’s annoying. “You don’t even know what love is,” Chenle continues.

Jisung frowns, affronted. “And you do?”

“Yep,” Chenle grins, obnoxiously popping the ‘p’. “I had a first love back in China. It’s the best thing ever.”

That doesn’t make Jisung feel any better, so he just settles for plucking a strand of grass from the lawn where they’re sitting and fiddling with it. “Tell me more, then.”

His neighbor only chuckles, cheeky and lighthearted. “It feels like you’re floating on clouds.”

“How do you know what floating on clouds feels like?” Jisung challenges suspiciously.

“God, it’s an expression, stupid,” Chenle rolls his eyes like he can’t believe how dumb Jisung is being. It makes Jisung want to throw grass at Chenle’s face, but he refrains because he’ll never hear the end of it. “Anyway, it’s like your stomach starts doing somersaults. You get all tingly and warm when you see them too.”

“Don’t you mean her?” Jisung asks, clueless at a tender age of seven.

Chenle rolls his eyes again, shaking his head. “You don’t have to like just girls, dummy. Boys are cute too.”

“Oh,” Jisung considers this. “Well, that makes sense.”

“Of course it does, I’m older than you,” Chenle reminds him, brimming with confidence.

“Okay, then why do you make love sound like a bad case of the flu?” Jisung questions skeptically. He gets tingly and warm when he’s running a high fever too. Chenle isn’t special.

Chenle groans like Jisung is just being _so_ difficult, and flops back onto the soft grass. “You’ll understand when you fall in love.”

And that’s that.

* * *

Chenle shrieks when he reaches the edge of the pavement and jumps back. He almost tramples on Jisung's foot, but luckily the younger is already very used to this kind of reaction from Chenle and sidesteps just in time.

"You're such a baby," Jisung grumbles. "We cross this road every day!"

"I'm from China," Chenle insists, as if that's a proper excuse for his hesitation at this junction every single day. "We have a saying there that goes 马路如虎口. Meaning, the road is like a tiger's mouth."

Jisung resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Yes, hyung, but this is a zebra crossing," he explains patiently. "People have to stop for us."

"You can never be too safe," Chenle says, eyeing the innocuous white stripes splashed across the road, with utter suspicion. "Come on, hand please."

This time, Jisung doesn't bother to refrain from rolling his eyes. He does it twice round, just to be on the safe side. "What are you, five?" He reaches out and grabs Chenle's hand, just like he's done every time they have to cross this particular stretch of road which Chenle had deemed similar to a tiger's mouth.

He makes sure to look left and right before starting to cross the road. It's a school zone anyway, which means there's a friendly traffic controller who stands right in the middle of the street with neon light sticks to direct the flow of traffic. Chenle is just being paranoid.

"I'm five times two!" Chenle announces proudly as he's tugged across the street by Jisung. "Which is still one year more than you," he reminds Jisung, just to be annoying probably.

Jisung huffs. "And yet I'm the one who has to hold your hand  _every day."_

"Shut up," Chenle states primly, but he still clings onto Jisung's hand when they arrive safely at the other side.

"Anyway, don't you know that tigers eat zebras?" Chenle continues, completely irrelevantly but with the air of someone bearing wisdom beyond his years. Jisung snorts.

"Now you're just being ridiculous, hyung."

"Whatever," Chenle swings their joined hands back and forth between them. "The point is, it's not safe out here. So don't let go of my hand, you hear me!" he squeezes Jisung's fingers. It's kind of a nice feeling.

Jisung still thinks Chenle is being stupid, but he holds his hand until they reach home.

* * *

Jisung is thirteen and he’s still not in Love.

Objectively, the girls in his class are pretty, with their long hair and porcelain skin, dainty fingers with nails painted pretty pastel colors. The boys aren’t quite as glamorous, but there’s a certain charm to the way they scuffle playfully in the playground and rake their fingers through their hair like they’ve just stepped out of an anime.

But they don’t make Jisung’s stomach do somersaults. Actually, that’s a good thing, since he’s in the middle of eating lunch.

Chenle snorts, and Jisung glances back at his best friend, who’s stuffing his face with tater tots.

“You’re being so obvious, dummy,” Chenle says through a mouthful of potato. Scrunching his face up in disgust, Jisung throws a napkin at him.

“I’m not. What are you even talking about?”

Chenle waits until he swallows his food (thank god) before answering. “You like one of them, don’t you?” He gestures with a tater tot at where Jisung had been staring a couple minutes before, the bench across the playground where a group of his female classmates are spending their recess.

“Don’t be stupid, I don’t,” Jisung insists, taking a sip of his milk to avoid having to look Chenle in the face.

His best friend laughs uproariously, the sound echoing off the walls around them. “You’re such a bad liar,” Chenle snickers, stealing one of Jisung’s tater tots when he’s finished with his own.

Jisung lets him, because he doesn’t feel like being treated to an hour long lecture about how he should respect his elders (Chenle is _three whole months_ older than him) and apparently allow them to take his food.

“Hey, you wanna get ice cream after school? We can do our homework together,” Chenle suggests cheerfully.

Jisung thinks longingly of his comfortable bed and the three hour nap he’d planned on taking. Then he makes the mistake of glancing at Chenle, and the older looks so much like a cute overexcited puppy that Jisung has to say yes.

* * *

"What kind of person would you want to date?" Chenle asks one day when they're both sprawled out on Jisung's bed, their homework in a tragically forgotten pile on the floor.

It's a little bit of a tight fit. When they were little kids, they could share Jisung's bed with no problem, even with plenty of space left over for them to roll in during tickle fights. But now they're fifteen and fourteen respectively, and both of them sport longer lanky limbs that take up much more legroom.

Chenle pokes Jisung in the side when his question goes unanswered, prompting Jisung to hum in acknowledgement. "I'm thinking, stop it," he swats at Chenle's hand, and the older giggles and retracts it.

There's silence for a couple more seconds, before Chenle speaks again. "I think I'd wanna date someone older than me. So they know what they're doing."

Jisung turns on his side and stares at Chenle. His best friend has a really nice side profile. "Okay."

"I'd want them to be nice," Chenle muses, scratching at the side of his neck. "And really smart. Taller than me."

Vaguely, Jisung thinks about the recent growth spurt Chenle had, which caused him to shoot up several inches and end up towering over Jisung by half a head.

"Have you finished thinking?" Chenle sticks his elbow out, catching Jisung in the gut. Jisung rolls over onto his other side with a small 'oof', nursing his injury.

"Stop being so violent, you terrible person," Jisung complains. Chenle laughs behind him and shimmies closer until he can throw his arm around Jisung's waist, snuggling into his back. 

"Sorry, dummy," Chenle says, his breath tickling the nape of Jisung's neck. It makes him shudder a little, unused to the sensation.

"I'd date someone who knows me really well," Jisung begins, turning his thoughts over in his head. It's not really a question he's thought about much, despite the fact that he's been curious about Love since he was a kid. He hasn't really painted a picture for himself out of all the conversations he used to have with Chenle about growing up and falling in Love.

"Somebody I'm close to. So I don't have to worry about getting to know a completely new personality while also trying to maintain a relationship," Jisung elaborates, thinking back to the articles he'd read online about being in Love for the first time.

Chenle breathes out a chuckle. Jisung can feel the vibrations from Chenle's chest against his back. "That's just lazy. Meeting new people is the best part of it!"

Jisung shrugs nonchalantly. "If you say so."

They lapse into a comfortable silence once again. Jisung can't quite keep his eyes open, and he's on the verge of dropping off into sleep when Chenle's voice suddenly cuts through his consciousness again.

"I think I wanna find a boyfriend."

Jisung makes a noncommittal noise, half asleep. "Okay, hyung."

* * *

Chenle gets a boyfriend when he’s sixteen years old.

That makes Jisung fifteen, and at a very vulnerable stage of his life. It also means he feels more irrationally hurt than he should be whenever Chenle says he’s busy after school.

The boyfriend’s name is Renjun. He’s Chinese like Chenle, which means Jisung often has to sit through them babbling away in Mandarin all throughout lunch, not understanding a word of anything. It makes him feel weirdly alone.

Maybe it’s because he still hasn’t been in Love yet, whereas Chenle seems to find it so easily.

Jisung stabs at his sweet and sour pork with his fork, with perhaps a bit more viciousness than he normally would. He doesn't look up from the smooth marble table top as he chews, refusing to watch the way Chenle is staring at Renjun, all smitten and mushy with hearts in his eyes or whatever.

"Jiji. Hey, Jisung. Dummy!" Jisung doesn't snap out of his weird funk until Chenle throws a balled up napkin at him with frightening accuracy and hits him square on the cheek.

Wounded, Jisung pouts at Chenle across the table. The older just rolls his eyes, "You didn't hear me."

"Okay, what do you want?" Jisung asks, frowning as he taps his fingers against the table. He sneaks a glance at Renjun, who just looks amused. He's always so calm and collected. Does it come with age or something? Then again, his cousin Donghyuck is seventeen too and he's far from being similar to Renjun.

"Hyung and I are going now." Jisung is brought back to harsh reality by Chenle's next words. He watches as Chenle grabs his backpack and Renjun's hand, their fingers lacing together with the kind of natural intimacy that stuns Jisung. He hadn't known that Chenle and his boyfriend were that close. Jisung hasn't held Chenle's hand since they were like, ten or something.

"Bye!"

They're gone before Jisung can even think to reply. He's left sitting at the table by himself, nursing his milk and wondering if Love is supposed to transcend all other things. Because it feels like Chenle's making it as such.

Maybe he needs to find someone to love, Jisung muses. That's it. He's just lonely and he wants somebody to be the Renjun to his Chenle. There's nothing more to it.

When he tells his cousin Donghyuck that he wants to try dating, Donghyuck laughs in his face. "Uh, Ji, aren't you a little too young?"

"No I'm not!" Jisung protests vehemently. "Anyway, I'd date someone older than me. So they know what they're doing," Jisung parrots Chenle's words from their conversation a mere year ago, hoping it'll make him sound like  _he_ knows what he's doing.

Donghyuck just lifts an eyebrow skeptically. "How much older are we talking here?"

"Like a year?" Jisung guesses, having never actually thought about it clearly.

"So like, Chenle then?" Donghyuck snickers, and Jisung sighs in frustration.

"No, he already has a boyfriend," he mutters, trying to remain indifferent but betraying a little bitterness in his tone anyway.

Donghyuck shifts forward, interest prominent in his gaze. "Are you trying to make him jealous or something?"

Jisung splutters, thoroughly bemused. "Um, no? Hyung, what—I don't even like him, why would—"

"Ah," Donghyuck nods like he understands, even though Jisung hadn't even explained anything properly. "I see. Well, Ji, you can't rush these things. It'll happen when it happens." If Jisung's ears aren't playing tricks on him, Donghyuck sounds _wistful_. Jisung narrows his eyes.

"Hey, hyung, so how's your own love life going recently?" Jisung asks casually, out of the blue. Donghyuck jumps like he's been electrocuted, his face flushing cherry red, and Jisung suddenly realizes that his cousin is in Love too.

It takes a little bit, but Jisung finally gets it all out of Donghyuck. It's a senior in their high school, one who'd moved here from Canada just over a year ago, who dyes his hair blonde and carries around a notebook filled with handwritten lyrics of his very own and goes by his English name, Mark, instead of his given Korean one.

Before he goes home, Donghyuck hisses at Jisung to keep it a secret, his ears bright crimson. Jisung swears on his and Chenle's friendship that he won't tell a soul, and Donghyuck leaves satisfied.

It seems like everyone around him just accidentally trips and falls in Love so easily. Jisung doesn't know why he's the one who has to actively search for it, and still come up short.

* * *

It's stupid. Jisung is being stupid, and irrational, and immature, but he still can't stop the tears leaking from his eyes.

Jisung is not the crying type. Chenle has always been the slightly more emotional of the two of them, the one who cries over sad Disney scenes and outright sobs when an animated character dies onscreen. Jisung always has to pull Chenle close, running his fingers through the older's hair and rubbing his back in an attempt to get Chenle to calm down. 

The only time Jisung had really cried was when he thought everyone forgot about his eighth birthday, when in fact they were all just planning a surprise party for him. And that doesn't count, because he was  _eight._

So really, Jisung shouldn't be wasting tears over such a stupid thing. It's not worth it, but no matter how many times Jisung tells himself that, his eyes just won't stop filling up.

All because Chenle had texted to say he'd be out with Renjun till late and won't be able to go over to Jisung's house for their sleepover.

It's so dumb that Jisung almost wants to laugh at himself for feeling upset about it. But it's not just about this one time. There have been plenty of other times when Jisung felt forgotten, cast aside by his best friend and abandoned. Chenle texting to tell him he's not free to accompany Jisung to the premiere of that new movie he wanted to see; to excitedly ask if he can bring Renjun along to their picnic at the park; to inform Jisung that the ice cream parlor they've been going to since they were kids has a new flavor now,  _me and renjun hyung went there the other day, it's really good jiji!_

And Jisung is only sixteen years old, there's a limit to his emotional capabilities, especially when he's become so accustomed to always having Chenle around.

He misses Chenle, which is so,  _so_ stupid since he still sees Chenle every morning when they walk to school together. Chenle still comes over to study with him, just much less than before, and besides Jisung doesn't  _own_ him, Chenle can do whatever he wants. 

And Chenle is so happy with Renjun. Renjun is older than him, and nice, and smart, and tall. He's perfect for Chenle, and Jisung doesn't want to take any of that away from his best friend.

Apparently, Love hurts even when you're not in it.

So Jisung curls up in his bed, which feels strangely large with just him in it, and wipes his tears with the corner of his blanket. He falls asleep without bothering to turn the lights off.

 

 

Jisung wakes up to someone crawling into bed with him, sliding underneath his covers and fitting against him with practiced ease. There's only one person who'd dare to monopolize his sleeping space (that isn't his family), and Jisung has to take a deep calming breath before he can turn around and face Chenle.

"You've been crying," Chenle states, voice soft and fingers even softer as he reaches up to swipe at Jisung's cheek. Jisung supposes he must look like a mess, with his swollen eyes and tear-stained face.

"Mm," is the only answer he can muster, the sound coming out more curt than he'd intended for it to.

"Is it because of me?” Chenle is unrelenting, shifting closer until his nose is a hair's breadth away from Jisung's.

Jisung thinks about lying, but one look at Chenle's eyes tells him the older already knows the answer. So he just shrugs and lets the question hang in the tense air between them.

Chenle sighs quietly. He reaches over to grab Jisung’s hand and threads their fingers together. His palm is so warm. “I’m sorry.”

The apology lays thick against Jisung’s skin, Chenle’s breath ghosting across his jawline. His proximity steals all the air from Jisung’s lungs.

“It’s okay,” he says, simply.

“No, I’m really sorry,” Chenle insists earnestly. “You’re my best friend. I didn’t mean to leave you behind.”

Jisung considers this. “Okay.”

Chenle smiles and fits his head under Jisung’s chin, nuzzling into his neck. “You know you’re still my favorite, right? I’ll always be here for you, okay?”

Jisung sniffs, desperately trying to keep his tear ducts at bay. “Okay, hyung. Jeez, you’re so cheesy,” he whines.

“It’s working though, right?” Chenle grins cheekily up at him.

“How did you even know to come here?” Jisung asks instead, avoiding the question.

Chenle’s grin just grows wider. “You never answered my text. I got worried.”

The admission makes Jisung feel unexpectedly happy, but he hides it with a teasing scoff. “Cheeeese.”

“Go back to sleep, dummy,” is all Chenle says before he buries his face into the crook of Jisung’s neck and starts snoring theatrically, rumbling against Jisung’s throat.

Jisung chokes on a laugh and squeezes Chenle’s hip to make him stop. Chenle just giggles in his ridiculously high-pitched voice.

He feels so lighthearted now, so much more content than he’d been twelve hours ago. It feels like… like Jisung is floating on clouds.

* * *

Chenle and Renjun break up at the end of Jisung’s sophomore year. It’s just before Renjun graduates from their high school, when he’s preparing to head off to college.

“It was a mutual thing,” Chenle insists, head nestled comfortably in Jisung’s lap. “We just decided we weren’t meant to be together.”

Jisung threads his fingers through Chenle’s smooth dark hair and thinks about it. “Didn’t you love him?”

Chenle just smiles up at him, eyes clear and bright. He doesn’t look anywhere near upset. “Yes. But not in the right way.”

So, there are apparently many ways to be in Love and to Love someone. Jisung feels like he should be taking notes.

“Do you think you might fall in love again?” Jisung asks conversationally. He pets Chenle’s hair, taking a quick peek at his best friend’s expression.

Chenle keeps smiling sunnily. “Yeah, of course I will. It’s… it’s really easy to fall in love, Ji.”

The way he says the words, laced with a kind of plaintive dreaminess, makes Jisung’s mind wander. It almost sounds like Chenle…

No. That can’t be right. Jisung is just thinking too much, like he always does. Love isn’t that simple, at least it’s never been for him.

Chenle sits up then, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he locks his gaze with Jisung’s and moves closer. Jisung’s blood pounds in his ears, his heart rate skyrocketing when Chenle leans in and presses their lips together.

Jisung closes his eyes and lets himself melt into Chenle’s touch. Chenle pushes and pushes until he’s sitting in Jisung’s lap. His tongue slides against the seam of Jisung’s lips, and without really meaning to Jisung freezes.

Chenle senses the change immediately and backs away, scrambling off Jisung’s lap and to the other side of the couch. He’s panting slightly, eyes blown wide as he stares at Jisung.

“Are… are you okay, Ji?”

Jisung nods. He can’t quite breathe properly.

“I’m fine,” he says.

Chenle nods and beams and reaches out to grab Jisung’s hand. He scoots back until he can lean his warm weight against Jisung’s side.

And Jisung feels his stomach somersault.

* * *

They don’t talk about the kiss, and it’s frustrating.

It was Jisung’s first kiss, even though he knows it wasn’t Chenle’s. And it lingers in the back of his mind, a particularly persistent memory, like a constant itch that needs to be scratched.

Chenle acts perfectly normal, like it never even happened. And they’re still best friends… still just best friends, so maybe Jisung should take the hint and put it behind him before he gets in over his head. He doesn’t want to ruin things.

But something’s changed, and Jisung knows it. It might just be personal to Jisung, but he’s suddenly laser-focused on everything Chenle does, from the slight accent of his Korean to how he talks with his whole body to the way he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth when he’s annoyed.

These are things Jisung has always known about Chenle, in the same kind of way you might know the sky is blue and grass is green, but never before have they jumped out at him like they do now. Jisung wonders if he’s getting sick or something.

“Hey dummy, you aren’t even paying attention,” Chenle complains, slapping his ruler against his textbook. He’s been trying to explain a tedious math problem to Jisung for a while now, but it’s just not getting through.

Jisung groans and flops onto his belly, shying away from the judgmental look Chenle is giving him. “I don’t wanna anymore,” he whines, kicking his legs up.

“I’m afraid you have to if you want to get to college,” Chenle nudges him with his knee, insistent. “C’mon Ji, just half an hour more.”

“College? What’s that?” Jisung mumbles, ignoring him.

“Somewhere I’ll be going in a year’s time, dummy.” Chenle gives up and rolls onto his front next to Jisung. He throws a leg across Jisung’s, hooking their ankles together.

The natural way in which Chenle seeks skinship makes Jisung squirm, but he focuses his mind on the matter at hand.

“Oh, yeah. What am I going to do when you’re gone?” Jisung pouts, trying to imagine himself walking to school on his own for a whole year. It’s not an image that comes easily.

“You’d better join me, then,” Chenle laughs, ear-piercingly high. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

Jisung scoffs and presses his face into his arm to hide the blush that’s risen to his cheeks.

* * *

Jisung is actually sick. He really should stop tempting fate.

He huddles underneath his blankets and tries valiantly to ignore the pounding in his skull. The last time he checked, his fever had been almost 39 degrees. It feels like his brain is about to melt.

Jisung’s phone buzzes on his bedside table. Reaching for it makes all his muscles protest, but Jisung persists because the ringtone playing is ‘Easy Love’ and that’s for Chenle.

He swipes right and drops his phone down on the bed next to his cheek. “Hey.”

Chenle’s tinny voice comes flitting through the speaker. “Where are you, dummy?”

“Home. Sick,” Jisung groans, rubbing at his temples.

“‘Kay. I’m coming over!” Chenle hangs up before Jisung can say something important like ‘no don’t it’s highly contagious you’ll get sick’. He suspects Chenle wouldn’t listen anyway.

The doorbell rings, but Jisung doesn’t bother getting up. Chenle has a spare key. It’s only a couple of minutes before Chenle’s pushing open his bedroom door and announcing his entrance with an ear-shattering screech.

“Hi Ji! You look really sick!” Chenle jumps onto Jisung’s bed, jostling him. Jisung whimpers in protest, curling himself up into a ball.

“Oh, sorry,” Chenle calms down and rests a hand on Jisung’s forehead. He winces. “Ouch. Have you eaten your meds? Do you need more water?”

“Water,” Jisung croaks needily.

“I’ll be right back!” Chenle bounces off to the kitchen.

He comes back with a glass of water and a cool towel. While Jisung drinks, Chenle wipes his face and neck with the towel, taking care to be gentle.

“Do you wanna sleep?” Chenle asks, setting the glass aside when Jisung’s finished with it. Jisung can only nod and make grabby hands at Chenle, who immediately shifts closer and wraps himself around Jisung.

The steady rise and fall of Chenle’s chest when he breathes lulls Jisung to sleep. He feels all warm and tingly inside.

He’s not so sure it’s totally the fever’s fault.

* * *

Chenle leaves for college. He texts Jisung every day, calls him every other day, and tells him he moved in with Renjun to save on accommodation.

 _he has a rly pretty apartment! and everyones super nice here :)_ Chenle says.

Jisung sends a smiley face back.

The idea of Chenle rooming with his ex-boyfriend unsettles him. It’s not like it’s really any of his business, not at all, but Jisung can’t help the way his stomach lurches when he thinks of all the possible ways Chenle and Renjun could rekindle their romance and get back together.

Yeah, maybe Jisung has been watching too many dramas. Donghyuck keeps sending him recommendations. Jisung wants to know how he has so much time on his hands to watch them, since he’d disappeared off to college around the same time as Renjun.

Jisung struggles through his studies for the first half of the year and then, in an impressive burst of willpower he hadn’t known he possessed, aces the rest of the year. He ends it all with grades to be proud of, offers from several colleges and a dull sort of ache whenever he thinks about Chenle.

He could go to other colleges, if he wanted to, with his grades. But Jisung’s always held home close to his heart, so he decides on the same college most other people in his high school go to, the one a mere three hours away by train. It’s a respectable school, anyway, and Jisung doesn’t think he’ll have any regrets choosing it.

 _i’m so excited!!! i can’t wait to see you._ Chenle texts him.

Jisung spends the first day moving into his dorm room and meeting all the people living on his floor. His second day, he follows Google Maps to a block of apartments just a few streets away from his own building, and rings the bell.

He has missed Chenle, in every way possible. Physically, the way Chenle will cling onto him like a koala to a tree. Which is just what Chenle does when he flings open the door and practically jumps on Jisung.

“Ji!” He screams, so loud the entire floor probably heard him.

Jisung laughs, and it’s tinged with relief. His best friend hasn’t changed. “Hey, Le.”

Chenle pulls away and gapes at him in awe. “When did you get so tall?” he marvels. 

Distantly Jisung thinks about the growth spurt he’d had right after Chenle had left. It did make him taller, yes, but he hadn’t realized it was such a noticeable difference. Chenle looks tiny compared to him now.

”Come on, there’s people for you to meet,” Chenle babbles, pulling Jisung into the apartment and closing the door behind him. “You already know Renjun—he’s there! Jisung’s here, hyung!” Chenle practically yells at Renjun, who’s sitting at the kitchen table with a dark-haired boy.

Renjun looks amused, “I can see that, Chenle.” He gives Jisung a friendly wave, “Hey, Jisung. You got so tall.”

Before Jisung can answer, Chenle’s moved on. “And that’s Jeno hyung, he’s Renjun’s boyfriend.”

Jisung feels himself balk at that, and it must be really obvious because Chenle laughs. “Yeah, boyfriend. They’ve been together for like two years.”

”Hi, Jisung. We’ve heard a lot about you,” Jeno chirps, and wow he has a really pretty face, and even prettier eye smiles.

”Mark is in the shower, you can meet him later.” Chenle looks Jisung up and down for a second. It almost makes the younger feel self-conscious, but then Chenle’s face splits into a wide grin.

”I’ve missed cuddling with you!” He declares, dragging Jisung by the wrist towards the sofa. “Come here, I think you’re finally tall enough to be the big spoon after ten years.”

Jisung _knows_  his ears have turned red. He thinks he can hear Renjun and Jeno chuckling in the kitchen.

* * *

“Mark? Like Mark Lee? Minhyung?” Donghyuck all but shrieks.

Jisung flinches and hides behind his pillow. “Lower your voice, hyung, people are studying here.”

”Well I’m sorry. You just sprung that on me,” Donghyuck huffs.

”I forgot you used to have a thing for him,” Jisung remarks, rather entertained. “How long ago was that?”

Donghyuck is silent for a moment. “Used to... might not be quite the right word,” he admits.

Jisung sits up so fast the pillow goes flying across the room. He doesn’t notice, instead staring at his cousin with his eyes wide as saucers. “Hyung? You don’t still like him, do you?”

The way Donghyuck guiltily avoids his gaze says everything.

”I can’t believe it,” Jisung muses in real wonderment. “Love is a powerful force.”

”Shut up,” Donghyuck shoves at his shoulder half-heartedly. “He’s in a couple of my classes. I always see him at the library. He works at the flower shop outside the building where I have my classes. He smiles at me.”

”Which clearly means you’re going to get married and have four kids,” Jisung shakes his head in disbelief.

Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “Oh, you’re one to talk. When are you going to realize you and Chenle practically been dating for years now?” 

It’s like someone switches the light on in Jisung’s brain.

”Oh my god,” Jisung mutters, feeling a little dizzy. “Do I have a crush on Chenle?”

Donghyuck throws his notes into the air in pure unadulterated joy, uncaring of how they scatter around Jisung’s dorm room in a giant mess. “Finally!”

Jisung’s mind is racing, trying to comprehend multiple things per second. It doesn’t work, and soon enough everything implodes and Jisung just shuts down and burrows under the covers, burying himself.

”Don’t touch me,” is his muffled response when Donghyuck pokes him in mild concern.

”Suit yourself,” he can practically hear Donghyuck shrug through the nonchalance of his tone. “Just ask Chenle to invite me over sometime.”

”Why, so you can flirt with Mark hyung?”

”Yeah.”

”No,” Jisung says decisively.

* * *

“How about pink?” Chenle muses, eyes roving across the variety of hair dyes on the shelf.

“Didn’t Taeyong hyung do pink once?” Jisung remembers seeing the music composition Masters student stumbling back to his apartment right next to Chenle’s, hair and face equally pink. He’d muttered something about _‘stupid Doyoung and stupid Yuta’_ before waddling into his apartment.

“Oh, you’re right.” Chenle’s hand passes over the pink dye and lands on the one next to it. “Purple!”

Jisung can't find any grievances with that color, so he shrugs. Chenle drops the lilac box into their basket gleefully, and then he eyes the shade of shocking blue still left on the shelf.

“Ji…”

“Oh, _no,”_ Jisung backs away like that’ll actually help protect him from Chenle’s wrath. He recognizes that mischievous glint in Chenle’s eyes, it’s the same one he had right before he started a food fight in the cafeteria back in high school and got both himself and Jisung sent to detention for a week. “Chenle, no.”

“Chenle yes!” Chenle insists cheerfully, grabbing the blue box. “C’mon Ji, we can match with crazy hair colors!”

Jisung should really learn how to resist Chenle’s pout. One day it’s going to get him into _actual_ trouble. He drops his face into his hand and sighs through his fingers. “This is temporary, right?”

“It’ll fade,” Chenle says, and so Jisung just nods, accepting his fate.

(It doesn’t turn out terrible. Well, Jisung looks like he’d dived headfirst into a pool of blue Gatorade, but. Chenle looks good. He’d chosen a nice color, a soft purple that stands out against his pale skin tone. He wears it well.

Chenle ruffles Jisung’s hair, giggling. “You look cute, dummy!”

So yeah. It’s not _that_ bad.)

* * *

"I like your hair," Renjun tells him conversationally. Jisung nods his thanks.

There's some kind of weird awkward energy between them, which is really uncalled for since Jisung does technically know Renjun. Besides, Renjun is waiting for Jeno and Jisung is waiting for Chenle, and he really doesn't want to draw parallels between their situations.

Or maybe he does, and it's just _scary_.

Renjun clears his throat while Jisung is deep in his thoughts. "So... how are you and Chenle doing?" he asks carefully.

Jisung jerks upright, almost hitting his head on the low lamp hanging from the kitchen ceiling. "What do you mean?" His own reaction worries him. Jisung is too on edge.

"I thought you two..." Renjun squints, seemingly confused. Jisung is confused too. 

"We what?"

"I just," Renjun pauses like he can't quite find the words. "I always thought that part of the reason why Chenle and I didn't work out was because—um, I'm not sure if I should say this..."

"Say it," Jisung urges, curiosity overpowering his already questionable sense of survival instinct.

"I thought he loved you too much," Renjun admits, looking uncomfortable. "So I just assumed that... but then he didn't mention anything after that..." 

Renjun is muttering to himself at this point, and Jisung's brain is whirring too fast to process any more. He knows Chenle loves him, but there are so many other ways to love, aren't there? It's not like Chenle is in Love with Jisung, Love with a capital 'L' and eyes full of affection and warm hands and soft pretty lips.

With perfect timing, the door bangs open and Chenle walks in, squabbling with Jeno. They're really going at it, too, pawing at each other like a pair of frustrated kittens. Renjun sighs, gives Jisung one last look, and then goes to break it up.

Jisung is grateful for the distraction. His mind might have just imploded from overload of information.

Chenle squeals and runs away to the kitchen, slapping a hand over Jisung's eyes. The younger squawks indignantly, but he's long recognized that Chenle is full of surprises and a surprising amount of determination, so he lets it be.

"Don't make out where Jisung can see you!" Chenle whines. "Isn't it enough that you've permanently scarred me?"

Jisung hears Renjun laugh, and Jeno protest that they aren't making out, before the fading patter of footsteps tells him they've disappeared into their bedroom.

"Thank god," Chenle grumbles, releasing Jisung. "They're gross."

He looks at Jisung properly and smiles. It's a little bit like having the sun shining down on you. Jisung feels like someone's hit him in the head with a hammer. 

"Were you with Renjun just now? What were you talking about?" Chenle asks, completely innocently as he pulls open the fridge in search of milk.

Jisung squeaks and yanks the figurative blinds down on his window of opportunity. "Nothing!"

* * *

Jisung doesn't know how he got roped into this, but here he is, sitting in the living surrounded by empty pizza boxes and a group of college kids on a sugar high. 

This had all started because Jaemin, who has apparently been Jeno's best friend since they were five, came over to their university for a visit. It started off normally, with small talk and laughter, but then Mark had begun talking about his job at the flower shop.

Jeno laughs, cheeky and bright. "The only reason you still work there is because of that cute customer, isn't it?"

Mark flushes red and shoves Jeno. " _No,_ it's because the owner is really nice and gives me good shifts."

"So the cute customer is just a perk, then," Chenle joins in, teasing.

"He's just a friend," Mark insists.

Jeno rolls his eyes and shares an impish grin with Chenle. "Yeah, you've been 'just friends' with him since high school. What was his name again?"

Renjun sits back, looking amused. Jaemin, who evidently bonded with Jeno over a common mischievous streak, giggles.

"You don't need to know," Mark crosses his arms over his chest and sticks his tongue out like a little kid refusing to share his candy.

"It wouldn't hurt," Chenle smirks. "We already know that you think he's really funny and pretty and clever, has fantastic taste in flowers and you're a giant sentimentalist who's saving his first kiss for him."

"Lee Donghyuck!" Jeno announces like he's just remembered the cure to sadness. "That's it."

Jisung bursts into a coughing fit.  _His cousin is allergic to pollen. That idiot._

"Ji? You okay?" Chenle's hand pats his back gently, voice concerned. Jisung glances up at him and deliberately widens his eyes.

"Lele, you remember my cousin right? Red hair, always in trouble?"

Chenle scrunches his face up like he's thinking. "Yeah. I know him."

"What's his name?" Jisung prompts.

"Hmm, let me think. It's Lee Da—no, it's Dong—oh. Lee Donghyuck." It's almost comical to watch the way Chenle's face changes, utter realization spread across his soft features.

It takes a little while, but a lot of screaming and several minutes later, they clear it all up. Jeno expresses his disappointment that Chenle has kept this piece of crucial information from their mission to make fun of Mark. Jaemin laughs so hard he doubles over.

"You guys are hilarious," he snickers, wiping away fake tears.

"Why don't you get Ji to introduce you, hyung?" Chenle suggests playfully to Mark, whose face resembles a particularly ripe tomato. "Then you can finally have your first kiss."

"Don't be a brat," Mark grumbles, but he's almost pleading. "Not everyone is as promiscuous as you."

Chenle howls with laughter. " _Promiscuous?_ What a word. Are you also wearing a chastity belt, hyung? Saving yourself for marriage?"

"Shut up, please," Mark gives up and throws himself onto the couch, burying his face in a cushion. His body language sends a clear message not to touch him until he dies.

"Besides, Chenle has had like two boyfriends," Renjun points out. "Or three, depending on how you look at it."

Panic shows on Chenle's face for a moment. He makes cutthroat motions at Renjun. Jisung doesn't allow himself to analyze it.

Mark seems to realize something, sitting up to look around the room. "You mean you've all had a first kiss?"

He finds his answer in the ensuing nods from everyone. He groans and swivels to Jisung. "Even you, Jisung?"

"Hey, I'm only three years younger than you," Jisung complains, inexplicably exasperated. "And yes, I did. I think it was when I was... fifteen?" he guesses, not entirely certain.

Chenle, apparently, is very sure. "Sixteen," he corrects. "End of my junior year right? So I was seventeen."

"And you remember this because?" Renjun leans forward, looking far too knowing than is comfortable for Jisung's mental wellbeing.

"Cause I kissed him. Duh," Chenle proudly proclaims.

Jisung can  _feel_ heat rush to his face. It makes him feel oddly exposed. 

"I  _thought_ there was something between you two," Jaemin reflects. He's known them for all of three hours, but Jisung is suddenly perfectly cognizant of the fact that Jaemin might be right. And that he wants Jaemin to be right.

* * *

"I liked Jaemin," Chenle decides, skipping along the paved sidewalk. He still acts like a little kid, even after all these years. It's cute. "I hope he comes to visit again."

Jisung concurs, but he's distracted. They haven't talked about the kiss since it actually happened. Chenle was so casual talking about it, though. How can Chenle be so casual?

In true Chenle fashion, he hadn't mentioned it again, not when the conversation had wrapped up and Jaemin left, not even right now as he walks Jisung back to his dorm. 

"Ji?" Chenle stops walking abruptly, and Jisung does too, turning to face him inquisitively. 

Chenle has really pretty eyes, Jisung realizes. Round and adorable, chocolate brown. His nose is cute too, like a little button. And the curve of his mouth, pink and pretty, is so captivating. It all hits Jisung with such force that his head swims.

"Would you do it again?" he blurts before he can give himself time to regret it.

And Chenle just looks at him knowingly, because Chenle has always known Jisung best, has always been able to read Jisung like a book, understanding Jisung better than he probably knows himself. "Yes," he says simply, and adrenaline courses through Jisung's veins.

"Right now?" he hears himself say.

"I would," Chenle smiles wryly. "But you're gonna have to lean down. I don't think I could reach you even if I tiptoe."

Jisung snorts a laugh. "Very romantic." But he bends down anyway, and Chenle wraps his arms around the back of his neck and when their mouths slant together, Jisung feels like he's floating on clouds, warm and tingly while his stomach does a whole acrobatic routine, somersaults and all.

 

 

Chenle lays across Jisung's bed, giggling as he kicks his shoes off. "I'm taking this side."

Jisung can't help but smile because Chenle is so _cute,_ but he puts on an annoyed face for the sake of it. "Le, that's the whole bed," he points out.

"I guess you're gonna have to come hold me  _real_ close, then," Chenle offers, making grabby hands at Jisung. 

"At least change first, you ogre," Jisung teases, heading over to his drawer. He pulls out one of his hoodies that he knows Chenle likes, because he always steals it, and throws it behind him without looking.

He hears Chenle squeak as he tries to catch it, and it's in such a typical dolphin tone that Jisung has to snicker. He changes into comfortable clothes of his own, and when he turns around Chenle's own clothes are in a pile on the floor and he's snug under the covers, lifting up the corner for Jisung to slide in too.

Chenle hums and snuggles closer to Jisung, one hand reaching up to the nape of Jisung's neck to pull him down. Their lips brush against each other, short and sweet, before Chenle pulls away just enough to rest his forehead against Jisung's.

"Hey Ji," he murmurs, almost going cross eyed trying to look Jisung in the eye. "Do you want to like, be my exclusive hand-holder when I cross dangerous roads?"

Jisung bursts out laughing, and it's contagious enough for Chenle to start giggling again. "I'm serious!" he whines through it, slapping Jisung's arm.

"You're in college. You can't still be scared of crossing roads," Jisung states, still highly amused. He knows what Chenle's asking, of course, but his best friend is being so ridiculous about it.

"Just say yes, dummy," Chenle grumbles. "Then I can kiss you and say I love you and go the heck to sleep. Ugh."

"Okay," Jisung says, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. "Yes. And I love you."

Chenle blushes a dusty pink. He hides his face in Jisung's collar. "Shut up. Love you too." The words vibrate against Jisung's skin, balmy and full of promise.

"But it's like, love with a capital 'L' right?" Jisung checks, because you can never be too sure.

Instead of answering, Chenle tilts his face up against and presses his mouth to Jisung's.

And that's that.

* * *

So maybe Jisung has been in Love all this time and he just never knew. It doesn’t matter, though.

It may have taken him a while to realize that Chenle is his first love, but he’s already certain that Chenle will also be his last.

**Author's Note:**

> i made a [curiouscat](http://www.curiouscat.me/cherrycity) to take requests!


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